Argus Hamilton's column for 2-4-10

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Thursday, and how's everybody?

Archie Manning's son Peyton Manning's Indianapolis Colts are favored to win his second Super Bowl Sunday. Archie's son Eli quarterbacked the Super Bowl win two years ago. Brett Favre just called Archie and asked if forty is too old to be adopted.

New York Jets coach Rex Ryan apologized Monday for giving the finger to Dolphin fans during a Super Bowl week TV interview. They won't forget this in Miami. It could be ten years before New York gets cocaine that isn't ninety percent baby powder.

The Super Bowl halftime entertainment in Miami Sunday will feature the legendary rock 'n' roll group The Who. This group has been around for a long, long time. They performed a concert at the Dinosaur National Monument in Utah when it still was a zoo.

The Michael Vick Project aired on BET Tuesday, covering his career from his all-pro days to the dogfighting that cost him prison time and the richest contract in NFL history. His skills are prodigious. Two years ago Michael Vick was the only guy in America who lost a hundred million dollars without the help of a money manager.

The Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas unveiled a talking female sex robot. She can hold conversations and have sex. The pitch to politicians, golfers and televangelists is that she costs seven thousand dollars, and that's the end of it.

The Los Angeles City Council agreed Tuesday to allow seventy medical marijuana stores in the city. It's big business. The Pot Party is so powerful in the Golden State that once a year the governor gives a speech to a joint session of Californians.

President Obama was pictured Monday bowing to the mayor of Tampa. He's bowed to the Chinese premier, Japan's emperor, the Saudi king and Tampa's mayor. Actually, he's not bowing, he's just faking back trouble to make people think he's another Jack Kennedy.

British spies revealed Monday that al-Qaeda plans to place bombs in plastic bags in airline passenger's rectums or inside women's breasts. We'll never find them. TSA screeners don't make near enough money to take that many people to dinner and a movie.

Al-Qaeda was reported Sunday to have bought a huge supply of Botox as a weapon of mass destruction. It's a clever plot. They think if they can make all Americans look ten years younger we'll all die of sexually-transmitted diseases within one year.

The White House started backing away from holding al-Qaeda trials in Manhattan Monday. The locals are absolutely exasperated. Barack Obama could be the first Democrat to lose New York City since George Washington retreated from British troops.

The White House budget released Monday cancels NASA's moon missions and turns NASA into a monitoring agency for climate change. That's absolutely nuts. If we aren't able to go to the moon or to Mars, we'll have no place to hide from our Chinese creditors.

U.S. Congressman Dr. Ron Paul voted against a resolution for U.S. aid to Haiti. The ob/gyn is nicknamed Dr. No due to his habit of opposing everything. Nobody knows better than a gynecologist the trouble that can be saved by saying no at the right time.

Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol Palin sued her child's father Levi Johnston for income he's made as a celebrity model. He just posed naked for Playgirl magazine. Massachusetts considers it a pledge duty before they make you a senator later in life.



Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio